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Monday, January 1, 2007

iPrank.

Seemingly unconnected items:Excerpts from the San Francisco Chronicle:Apple's latest wonder gadget: Steve Jobs unveils iPhone -- cell phone, iPod and Internet gizmoEllen LeeWednesday, January 10, 2007Apple CEO Steve Jobs has ushered in a new era at the Cupertino technology company, jumping into the cell phone market with the highly anticipated iPhone and cementing the company's role in the rapidly changing digital media landscape.Jobs, speaking at the Macworld Expo in San Francisco on Tuesday, unveiled the iPhone, which combines the iPod, a cell phone and an Internet handheld device into one slim, portable gadget. He also announced Apple TV, a set-top box that will allow consumers to move music, photos, television shows and movies from their computer to their living room televisions."It's the best iPod we've ever made," said Jobs. "No matter what you like, it looks pretty doggone gorgeous."Weighing in at less than 5 ounces, with a 31/2-inch screen, the iPhone looks like an iPod without its well-known scroll wheel. It has no conventional buttons and instead uses touch-screen technology for navigation. It runs Apple's Web browser, Safari, and operating system, Mac OS X.The iPhone, which also features a 2-megapixel camera, will be available in June through an exclusive, multiyear partnership with AT&T's Cingular Wireless, pending approval by the Federal Communications Commission. The 4 GB version will cost $499 and the 8 GB version $599.Those prices could be prohibitive in the cutthroat mobile phone market, analysts said.Consumers will have to purchase a two-year cell phone service plan to even buy an iPhone, said Glenn Lurie, Cingular's president of national distribution. They might also want to purchase a monthly data plan to take advantage of the iPhone's Internet tools, although the Internet features also are available wherever there is wireless Internet access. Current Cingular data plans cost between $9.99 and $39.99 per month.Cingular CEO Stan Stigman, appearing alongside Jobs, said the cell phone carrier entered into an agreement without even seeing a design for the iPhone. Jobs used all his showmanship skills to give the iPhone a good first-day boost from the stage of Macworld. In an Alexander Graham Bell moment during his keynote speech, Jobs made the "first" call on his iPhone to Apple's famed designer, Jonathan Ive."I can't tell you how thrilled I am to make the first public phone call with iPhone," Jobs said to Ive.Jobs also used the iPhone's Google mapping feature to find Starbucks coffee shops near the Moscone Center, where Macworld is being held. He prank-called one of them, ordering "4,000 lattes to go," and then hung up.The other product he introduced, Apple TV, is a set-top device that wirelessly beams content from the computer to the television, allowing consumers to download movies and music via the Internet and enjoy them on their home entertainment systems. Users will be able to stream content live from up to five computers as well as program a computer to transfer material automatically onto the Apple TV's 40 GB hard drive.Apple TV will cost $299 and arrive in stores in February."This is a day I've been looking forward to for 21/2 years," Jobs said Tuesday. As he wrapped up the keynote with a live performance by rock musician John Mayer, he added, "I didn't sleep a wink last night. I was so excited about today."

Friday, December 1, 2006

Y'all.

Well. Working in the Dallas area over my winter break sure has been interesting, especially doing 12-hour days at two different stores with bronchitis, the voice of a 7th-grade-boy, and sore feet. To any retail employees reading this: DON'T WEAR CONS TO WORK. You might as well be wearing tissue boxes with the amount of support they give you. Some of the highlights from this week include...--A middle-aged woman seeing the instrumental Cirque De Soleil Beatles album and asking if "that was their new one." Um, no. I'm pretty sure they stopped making music thirty years ago. Kinda hard to produce an album when half your band is dead.--50 people getting mad at me for saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." At least, I think that's why they were yelling at me. I couldn't really hear over the sound of their bibles thumping.--One of my managers giving me a mug filled to the brim with his mother's homemade peppermint bark for Christmas. Holy crap.--One of my coworkers making me a raspberry, blackberry, blueberrry, and strawberry gingerbread torte. Why are these people trying to fatten me up?!--Overhearing one of the shifts admit to being a self-declared member of the Nazi partyPLEASEDONTHURTME.--Being thanked profusely for finding someone's wallet that I actually didn't find but going along with it.--Working during a rush with one working espresso machine and one working steam wand...on two different machines.My parents think I'm working too much. I also think I'm working too much. If I were working this many hours back in Massachusetts, it wouldn't be so bad because my love of my store can battle any frustration I might have with shitty customers or the pain in my calves. But time in Texas is glacial. No wonder we're an hour behind. It's kind of like those mornings when your alarm goes off at 6:00 and you go back to sleep and then you wake up and panic because you think it must be 7:30 by now and you look over at your clock and it's only 6:03. Except when I look at the clock and help 15 customers and look at the clock again and see that only three minutes have passed, relief is hardly the word for what I feel.Fuck making money. Fuck being around coffee all day. Fuck my shitfaced personal life. I just want to sleep until this pathetic, lonely, miserable excuse of a winter break is over.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Fat.

This paper I'm writing about anorexia and bulimia is overwhelming because so little research has been done on the subject and thus, so little information is available. It's depressing. Five million people suffer from the disorders in the U.S. alone. A beautiful 21-year-old Brazilian model just died of anorexia last week. But I'm sure you didn't hear about it because no one cares. Anorexia and bulimia are seen as hypochondriacal, as if the cure is shaking a pair of spindly shoulders and yelling "LOOK AT YOURSELF! YOU'RE THIN!" Unlike cancer, which, if it can even be cured at all, must be treated with greuling radiation sessions and chemotherapy, anorexia and bulimia can be solved by performing a normal everyday human function that most people look forward to: eating. The answer is within the sufferer's control--or at least it looks that way to an onlooker who doesn't understand that an apple still has sugar and lettuce still has calories. In the end, the pounds fall off, the liver swells, and public sympathy remains MIA.Curiosity led me once again to the Starbucks nutrition page. I organized and re-organized every drink by caloric content, fat (saturated and trans), cholesterol, sugars, and carbohydrates. For your information:--The drink with the most calories and sodium is the White Chocolate Frappucino Blended Creme with whip (610 cals, 420 mg)--The drink with the most fat calories, fat and cholesterol is the Eggnog Latte with whip (260 cals, 29 g, 155 mg)--The drink with the most carbohydrates and sugar is the Strawberries & Creme Frappucino Blended Creme (95 g, 83 g)(Based on grande sizes)Scary.I really don't feel like writing this paper. Luckily "South Park" is on in five minutes.

Carpet.

The most disgusting thing just happened.When did taking off your shoes at the metal detectors become mandatory again? Was it after that idiot tried to make a bomb out of toothpaste or something a few months ago?Scene: The airport security check-in. My laptop was in one of the plastic bins with my messenger bag and I was all ready to go through the detector with my 100% sheepskin Uggs 100% cotton unriveted jeans and 100% wool sweater when an anonymous fatso with a stained tie told me to take my shoes off. I said no. He laughed. I didn't. He stopped laughing. "I'm serious. Take your shoes off," he said.So gingerly, I removed the only things separating the bottoms of my freshly washed feet from the nappy raspberry carpet trampled on all day by people whose shoes touched the floors of McDonald's bathrooms, dumpsters, day care centers and Starbucks. I didn't beep. No shit.But guess what held up the x-ray readers? My shoes.There I stood for what seemed like a nightmarish eternity (about forty-five seconds in real time) balancing all my weight on the side of one foot, playing a tragic game of Don't Touch the Lava, while two ladies in hideous vests giggled behind a computer screen and pointed and gestured. Finally I put my shoes back on. Great. Just what I wanted. To put my dirty feet back in shoes that I never wear socks with so my feet will have plenty of chances to rendezvous with whatever bacterial crap is now wedged deep within the sheepskin soles. Now I'm sitting here wondering if it's worth it to run to the bathroom and rinse off my feet in the sink with some Kay Tempo. Like the sinks are any cleaner than the carpet.I miss Boston already. I have an unfinished lemon poppyseed muffin in my bag next to me and although I haven't eaten all day, I'm trying to savor it so I'll feel like I have a piece of Boston with me when I get off the plane in a few hours. I hate Thanksgiving.